BENJAMIN DANIEL LING, FEBRUARY 11, 1976 - MARCH 17, 2001

           Ben never made a lot of money in his life, but he made a lot of friends. Everywhere he went - and he had a passion for the open road! - he made friends and touched people's lives. I am constantly amazed at how many people were touched in some way by Ben. Now it is my hope that Ben's website will reach out and inspire others who have cancer to fight, to give thanks, to live every moment of every day, and above all to love. I also hope it will inspire others, through their time, talent, or treasure, to contribute to the fight against chondrosarcoma, so that we can give hope to those with this disease and their loved ones that one day, soon, there will be a cure.

           The Beginning

          The first indication that something was not right came in 1998, during Ben’s senior year at Colby College. Ben told us later that he couldn’t run to class anymore, because his left hip would tighten up. At the health clinic he was diagnosed with a pulled a muscle in his groin and prescribed ibuprofen. It was a diagnosis that would be repeated many times before we finally found out that he had cancer.  For now though, Ben just accepted it and got on with his life. We went to Colby in May and proudly saw Ben graduate magna cum laude with a major in government and as a member of Phi Beta Kappa. Ben had many friends at Colby, and it was one of the happiest times for us to share with him. Above all, Ben was so excited about the future.

          Life as a Ranch Hand

          Ben’s passions were government and western land issues, and he knew he wanted to be involved in politics in some way. He planned eventually to get a job in Washington, D.C., but first he was determined to get some grassroots experience in the field that interested him so much – ranching. He loved riding, and had spent several of his summer vacations while at college working on dude ranches in Colorado and Montana. But he wanted to be part of a working ranch. After spending a month at home helping us paint our house, Ben set off for Montana. He got a job working on a cattle ranch near Dillon. Ben worked on fences, helped with the cattle, the haying, and calving, and found time also to take some long rides into the hills. He called us and told us how much he was enjoying the work and how much he was learning. Friends from Colby came to visit, and later another friend began working at the ranch also.

          Ben came home for Christmas and looked fine, but told us he had a snowmobile accident at the ranch and his hip was hurting him again. He had seen a doctor and was again told it was most likely just a pulled muscle. Ben left the ranch in Montana in February and came back to Houston, and he was limping. This time, we insisted that he go to see a doctor. He did – but unbeknownst to me at the time he saw only the physician assistant. He didn’t get x-rays, just another diagnosis of a pulled muscle, more ibuprofen, and an exercise  program.

          Despite the pain in his hip, Ben wanted to keep on with his ranch work. He set out for West Texas, and got a job on a ranch near Marfa. He was doing what he wanted to do, but was it very isolated. Ben was alone much of the time, and the pain in his hip was getting worse. Finally, on the Thursday before the Memorial  Day weekend, Ben called and said he couldn’t stand the pain any more. I flew out to Odessa. Despite the excruciating pain in his hip, Ben drove his truck from Marfa to the airport in Odessa to meet me, and then drove us both to the emergency room. There, they finally took x-rays. The doctors told us that Ben had not only a broken hip, but also a tumor, although they did not know what kind or whether or not it was malignant. I’ll never forget the radiologist coming out to the waiting room holding the x-ray and asking me, incredulously: “How long did you say he had been working?” He could not believe that Ben had been riding and working cattle with that tumor and a broken hip. But that was Ben – he was never a quitter.

          The Diagnosis: Chondrosarcoma

          Ben had no money and no health insurance, and at this point no one had directly said “cancer” to us. Nevertheless, the doctor in Odessa felt that Ben’s condition was serious enough that he should see a specialist. Ben was put in an ambulance and driven from Odessa to Houston, to the M.D. Anderson Cancer Center. There, a biopsy of tissue from Ben’s hip confirmed that Ben did indeed have cancer –chondrosarcoma, www.imc.gsm.com/demos/mskdemo/mspath/enneking/sect 14/chonsarc.html and http://www.bonetumor.org/tumors/pages/page39.html, a rare form of bone cancer that arises in the cartilage. This cancer typically does not respond to radiation or chemotherapy, so the only option was surgery. We were told that Ben’s cancer was a Grade II b – not the lowest grade but certainly not the most virulent. Ben’s wonderful doctor, orthopedic surgeon Kristy Weber, removed the tumor, replaced Ben’s hip, and put in an allograft (donor bone). Ben’s first words to Dr. Weber when he came out of the anesthesia were “Thank-you!” Within a month, Ben was walking with crutches. He was cancer-free and so happy!

          Off To Washington D.C.

          Ben was not one to waste any time, and this became even more true after he had cancer. He was still on crutches and couldn’t drive his beloved truck because it was manual transmission. But less than four months after his surgery, in October, 1999, Ben borrowed one of our cars and set off for Washington.  This began probably the happiest year of his life. Many of his friends from Colby were working in Washington, and within a few months Ben got a job as a legislative assistant with Senator Enzi from Wyoming. He was researching and responding to letters from constituents, mostly on federal land issues. He loved his job, he loved the city, and he loved his life. He came back to Houston every three months for tests and a check-up with Dr. Weber, and everything looked great. He said that having had cancer was a good thing, because it had made him value life so much more. And it was in Washington that he met his girlfriend, Angie, who was from Montana and who was also working for a congressman. 

          The Cancer Returns

In mid-October, 2000, Ben woke up one night with a sudden, sharp pain in his lungs. He called Dr. Weber the next day, and on her advice he had a chest x-ray. The x-ray was negative, but when Ben returned to Houston for his three month check-up in December, a cat scan revealed some disturbing nodules in his lungs. Ben also had increasing pain in the right side of his pelvis, and was just generally feeling tired and unwell. It seemed like we were at M.D. Anderson every day over the Christmas holiday. Ben spent New Years’ in the hospital having a stent put in his chest because it looked like he had a blood clot in his lungs. But the doctors were still trying to figure out what was going on in his body. Finally, in early January, we learned that Ben did have some chondrosarcoma cells in his lungs. But there was a question as to whether these cells were growing or not. Ben was told he could go back to Washington, but to return to M.D. Anderson in February for further checks.

           But Ben continued to feel worse in Washington. In a few weeks, he was in the Washington Hospital Center for more tests. This time, they found not only that the cancer was spreading in his lungs, but that he also had a fast-growing tumor in his pelvis. Ben returned to Houston, and on February 5, 2001 – just six days before his 25^th birthday -- we learned that Ben’s cancer had indeed returned. We were told that it was inoperable, there was no treatment, and he had only a month to live.

          Ben’s Friends Rally Round

Despite this devastating news, Ben did not give up, and neither did or his friends and family. Ben’s friends flew and drove to Houston from Kansas, Washington, New Hampshire, and Maine, to be with him and to fight with him against this disease. They scoured the internet and spent hours on the phone, looking for clinical trials or some program that would offer some treatment, even experimental, for Ben. Sadly, what we learned at this time was that there were no clinical trials for chondrosarcoma, and no experimental treatments being offered for patients with this cancer. 

          Throughout these days, Ben never lost his courage or his will to live, but his physical condition was deteriorating rapidly, because it was so hard for him to eat or drink. Angie told us about the Cancer Treatment Center in Tulsa, Oklahoma, where her grandfather had been treated for prostate cancer, and Ben decided he wanted to go there. When we got off the plane in Tulsa Ben was so dehydrated and weak he could barely sit in a wheelchair. They immediately put him on intravenous fluids and within hours the color came back to his cheeks.

          The doctors at the Cancer Treatment Center started Ben on a two-week course of radiation and also a nutritional program to stimulate his immune system. Many of Ben’s friends came and stayed with us in Tulsa. Ben began to feel stronger. He spent time organizing his photo collection and playing fiercely contested games of trivial pursuit, and just visiting with his friends. On one occasion the party in his room got so loud that the staff came in to shut it down and issued a new rule strictly limiting the number of visitors Ben could have at any one time. They also came perilously close to finding the beer! We were very blessed to have Father Jewett from the neighboring parish of St. Bernard’s come by almost every day to pray with Ben and give Ben communion.

             We never gave up hope that Ben would make it, but when the scan results came back they showed that Ben’s tumors had continued to grow despite the radiation. Also, the cancer had spread to his liver. Ben was too weak for chemotherapy, and he kept going from crisis to crisis. On the morning of St. Patrick’s Day, March 17, 2001, Ben’s kidneys failed.  Ben died in the arms of his family, surrounded by his closest friends.

          Ben’s Legacy

Ben’s friends put up a sign on the door of his room in Tulsa that said “Ben Ling, Superhero” and he truly was. Ben never complained about having cancer or the pain he was going through. When I broke down crying just before he went in for his surgery, he put me to shame by saying “Oh Mom, you know why I got this! You wouldn’t want some little three-year-old kid to get this, would you?” Ben had faith that he was strong enough to deal with this cancer.  Moreover, Ben took life by the horns and lived it to the fullest, without wasting a minute. When he found out his cancer had come back, he said he still wouldn’t change anything, because having cancer had made him appreciate life in a way he never had before.

          Ben was a loyal and true friend, qualities that also shine through in his friends. They stood by him throughout his ordeal, and have continued to stand by him and  by us. I have learned more about what friendship truly means from Ben and his friends than from anyone else. To Ben’s friends: you will never know how much your loyalty to our beloved son means to us.

          Ben was loving, courageous, loyal, passionate in his beliefs, and above all, so full of joy! He was, and remains for ever, our beloved son, brother, grandson and friend. I know that he is watching over us and caring for us. As he was loyal in life, he is loyal in heaven. He is a bright shining star sent to guide us home. Ben, you are loved forever.